In Memory and Dream
by theunseeliequeene
Summary: Rei has a reoccurring dream showing her past life. She realizes she longs for the one person she can not have: Usagi.


In Memory and Dream

**Note**: This story is based around the current anime, "Sailor Moon Crystal."

Rei had been dreaming again. She kept a close watch on her dreams, because sometimes dreams gave small clues to what might happen in the waking world. Yet, when dreams started to repeat themselves, any semblance of normalcy disappeared. She woke up with long strands of her dark hair stuck against her round cheeks, and she felt cold. She sat up, looking around the room from the pallet she laid on. Staring into the dark, she knew that it was too early to start the day. On occasion, if she woke early, she made her way into the inner sanctum of the shrine and prayed until dawn. Now, however, she was too shaken to do so. Rei had the dream again, the same one that came to her for a week now. She replayed the scene in her head.

In her dream, she stood somewhere far different than anywhere she had ever been before. Rei found herself in a courtyard of white. Marble surrounded her, marble walls encircling the area, and marble under foot, all in the color of milk or sea foam. In little areas throughout the courtyard, flowers grew: magnolia, jasmine, and pale roses. The only thing breaking the monochromatic scheme came from the tiny blush of pink found around the center of some of those fragrant flowers. A large fountain crafted from the same marble crowned the center of the courtyard. A large crescent moon spouted clear, almost silvery water. The most breathtaking sight came from the skies above her. The dark mantle of space hung above her and dusted with so many stars. More stars than she ever saw in Tokyo. Rei looked down and she noticed she was wearing the red and purple Sailor uniform, no longer Rei Hino but Sailor Mars, one of the guardians of the Princess and protectors of the universe.

A strange sensation came over Rei, a strange but welcomed one. She felt like this was home. She knew this place, though she never saw it before. Even so, the feeling remained. Before she could continue to think on this any further, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist. She wanted to jump but quickly realized who held her.

Behind her, it was Usagi, but not the Usagi that Rei knew in the real world. This one did not radiate the same sort of energy. Wearing a beautiful gown of the ubiquitous white, this was Princess Serenity. However, Rei knew them to be one and the same: the woman Usagi had been and the woman she would become. Surprising to her, Rei let herself melt in Usagi's arms, like falling back into a wonderful, familiar habit, a natural instinct. A feeling of safety and happiness washed over her. In that moment, she wanted to spend eternity in her arms. All of this seemed so different, almost shocking to Rei. The feeling of home and the warm swell of love for Usagi. Out of this dream world, she saw Usagi as a friend and a leader, but here, in this realm of the moon, she saw her as a lover. In a flash, Rei saw what had been. She, Sailor Mars, many, many years ago had been the lover of Princess Serenity.

Usagi let her go and turned to face Rei. Her big, blue eyes filled with light. Usagi was joy in the form of a girl. A smile lit her face. "I've been looking for you," she informed.

"I came out here, needing a moment's peace," Rei said.

"I can leave if you like."

"Oh no, Princess. I am glad you found me. At least now I can share the stars with you."

"Aren't they beautiful?"

"I think I may have seen something more beautiful."

Usagi took Rei into her arms once more, and pulled her into a kiss. A kiss that made Rei think of things like gentle rain, the soft graze of a flower petal against her cheek. That kiss matched the girl it came from, life affirming, warm, and gentle, things the world said were weaknesses but instead gave the Princess she loved strength. Rei chose to deepen it, pressing Usagi's body closer to hers. She wanted to match her gentle rain, a desire filled inferno to her warm graze. This felt perfect, everything that Rei ever wanted.

And then – Nothing.

Everything dissolved, a cruel illusion turning into smoke and mirrors. She woke up, no courtyard, no Usagi, just her, alone in an empty room, a million miles and years away. She felt a hollow knot in her stomach and her heart shatter, as it always did when she woke from this dream, the waking up more terrifying than any nightmare.

In her past life, in that fleeing moment, Rei saw what she wanted. She wanted love, so much love. She wanted Usagi, and the love she could give. Rei wanted to lose herself in her brilliant, all encompassing light. She wondered how long it lasted, what other memories lay dormant and hidden? So many questions, but never any answers. All she had was a dream. The realization dawned on her like an unwanted sunrise. The memory, that dream needed to remain just that – a memory.

A grand destiny laid before the Sailor guardians. Usagi would reclaim her crown as Princess Serenity and the rest of them would join her as her eternal guardians and companions. All of this needed to happen, all the right pieces falling into place. Rei learned early on about sacrifice, and now she needed to sacrifice her own desire for the greater good. She knew the kind of evil that laid out in the universe, and to defeat it, everything needed to go according to this massive, cosmic plan. She wrestled with herself, the urge to be selfish tempting her. She yearned to tell Usagi. Rei felt like running into the streets of Tokyo to find her and tell her right this minute. But Rei pushed it away, and like a good shrine maiden, she chose sacrifice. She promised herself, in the darkness of the room, that she would never reveal any of this to Usagi or any of her friends. This knowledge was her burden now, one she carried alone. Rei never anticipated that learning about herself would cause so much pain.

Rei laid back down on her pallet, wide awake and staring into the shadows. She felt tired but did not want to sleep. She wanted to keep that dream far from her; it hurt too much. Rei felt the tears come and she cried for something never to be.

The End


End file.
